Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
