He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
