Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
