Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
