forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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