I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
