The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
