No subtext here. People are naked.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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