i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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