he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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