i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
