K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
