My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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