I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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