woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
