When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
