The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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