Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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