omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
