The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
