i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
