Just fell off a train. Bad.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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