I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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