She is in my trunk
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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