so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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