I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
