I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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