I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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