Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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