Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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