You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
