foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
