if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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