Already got asked if we're dating
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
