Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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