I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
