the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
