She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
