i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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