nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
