I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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