a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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