Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
