so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
