and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
