maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
