he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she told me i tasted like america
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
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