I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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