im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
