We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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