I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
