Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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