Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
