I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
