i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
