wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
