he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
