I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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