I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
