quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
