Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
