She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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